Most of you know that my Mother died last year. My family was together this weekend to spread her and my father’s ashes. My Father died years ago but Mother wanted to be with him at the end. Mom had told me what she wanted done and we were able to gather all the generations together for the ceremony. It was a beautiful day and a good ending. I am now the oldest living Hansford in my Father’s and Grandfather’s direct line. Not a particularly desirable distinction since it only has one destination.
I wrote many of you my thoughts after her passing and I am not going to repeat them here, but I got to reflecting on the question; was there one thing above all others that marked their lives? My parents were like most people, ordinary in almost all respects and yet absolutely unique in their own way. In the final analysis they were good and decent people who tried to do the right thing as they saw it. After some rumination I think perhaps there was one decision they made that was momentous.
My parents both grew up in parts of Missouri that sympathized with the Confederacy and many families they knew had owned slaves. My Mother remembered that her Grandfather had living with him one her Great Grandfather’s former slaves who had chosen not to leave the family after the Civil War. She told me her Grandfather had said he liked Negros well enough but they just did not possess souls like white people. As Byron and Sue came of age, prejudice and segregation were the norm.
My Father wanted to become a member of the Tank Corps in WWII. He joined a fully segregated Military. At almost 6’ 4” the Army thought he was too big and he was assigned as a junior officer in the Military Police. At one point he was briefly assigned duty at Buchenwald shortly after the Nazi death camp was liberated by American forces. My sister still has some pictures he took then and there were others that my Mother destroyed as being simply “too horrible” to be kept. What he saw and experienced changed him. And her.
I really don’t know if they were able to lay aside the prejudices of their upbringings, but I doubt it. I do know that they both made the conscious decision to end hatred and prejudice in those areas of their lives that they could control. They bravely chose to break an attitudinal cycle that had lasted for generations. As Superintendant of Schools in a small Missouri town, my Father oversaw de-segregation of education in 1954-55. He did not start integration but he implemented it without stint or reservation. Neither of my parents allowed hatred or intolerance to be shown or expressed in their home. Largely because of them, my sisters and I have led lives mostly free of the unconscious prejudice that is so pervasive in American society. In that way they changed the world. In many ways and manners they were joined by others of their generation. The generation that Tom Brokaw termed, “The Greatest Generation”, for the willingness to sacrifice and strength of character they showed.
At a time in human history when it is so easy to despair over terrorism, the economy, the ecology and the state of mankind in general, the fact that one couple’s firmly held decision did change the world is heartening. We have made progress in the United States in terms of increasing tolerance and respect. My parents did their part. As a result of their actions, I am more optimistic for the future of my own Grandchildren. I believe it is possible for societies to change for the better. But optimistic or not, I love Brooke, Amber and Keene dearly.
Those were some of the last words of my Mother’s in a note to friends and family she left with her will. “I’ve loved you all dearly.”
It was fully returned.
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